Oh, come on, Maersk Alabama!

Remember the Maersk Alabama?  That boat that we all cared about for that week when we cared about pirates, in the days before we cared about getting to second base with the TSA (third if you’re a prude) and Justin Bieber?  Well, OMG, it’s back.

In a move taken straight from the Lindsay Lohan playbook, the Alabama got itself in trouble doing the same thing it always does and landed on once more, smiling for the cameras with a vacant look in its figurative eyes and some powdery residue caked under its metaphorical nose.

Dr. Phil, Voice of a Generation (of old white people living in landlocked states) always says that his definition of insanity is doing the same things over and over and expecting different results.  In which case the Maersk Alabama is TOTALLY INSANE. Seriously, we need a hidden camera in this bastard’s living room and some tough love delivered in front of a live studio audience STAT.

Let’s break down exactly what has happened here.

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